Rigorous honesty

I read today that Jeff Conaway who played Bobby Wheeler on 'Taxi' and Kenickie in 'Grease' had an overdose of pain pills and is in an Encino, California hospital in a coma. I know "so blue does this mean you're gonna rail about the Health care initiative?" No. It means that it gives me a pause to reflect. I have been in recovery for over 20 years. I used to drink like a fish for lack of a better term and i wouldn't stop until I passed out. The next morning waking up in pain and just continuing to move forward that was my pattern for my young adult life. I slipped my last time in 1993. I was angered about work, angered about a girl, in general an angry guy. So I pounded about 8 beers in a 30 minute time frame and kept it up. I kept up that pace of wake up, shower, work, drink, pass out, repeat for about 3 months until August 17, 1993. I realized that drinking at that pace I would not see 30 much less 46 as I am now. I stopped. AA was a great step to aid me then I realized that I had tools and I get words out to others and try to help out in my little ways. I am one of the lucky ones that it took with. Why? Because though I believe in God, I am not at all religious but rather spiritual (that handy 90's copout of an answer) and I believed in the tenet of AA that with rigorous honesty and taking of a continuing moral inventory and when we are wrong, admitting it, has saved my life and my sanity far more than it has hindered it. For 18 years i have continually taken this inventory and realized that while I was powerless over the alcohol, WE are not . It is up to me though, to not give into the temptation, to not be afraid to admit I may be wrong, to stand tall and say I am an alcoholic.

I'm a winner because I am one of the few that can look in the mirror and say I have been alcohol free for almost 18 years. I may very well have a drink tomorrow. I do not plan to. I have other coping mechanisms in my arsenal that i do not have to embrace substances (except caffeine) to get me through the day. As of now however, I have been sober for years and thank God that I was given this well of knowledge to learn and grow from. It is my prayer that Jeff Conaway, Charlie Sheen and all the others who names we do not know find that reserve that allows them to tap that rigorous honesty and that it is not to late